Marriage 101 The Beacon

The Good, The Bad, and the Angry

Article Date: August 2009 – The Beacon Online

Caregiving Tips by Starr Calo–oy

All forms of dementia are brain damage and one trait of some brain-damaged individuals is violent behavior. There are certain triggers that can precede a catastrophic emergency in some people.

If you get impatient and try to hurry them, it can cause agitation, which in turn could lead to violence.

He can become frustrated from not being able to make himself understood.

When asked questions he can’t answer or if you ask too many in a row without giving ample time for him to answer could cause him to lash out at you.

Large crowds, noise and unfamiliar faces and places could result in a physical confrontation.

People with dementia are constantly trying to make sense of their ever-changing environment. They cannot remember what happened ten minutes ago, so telling them that you have told them something all day long and will they please stop asking the same question will only make some people want to smack you in the chops!

If your loved one has a history of past violent episodes, then you need to remember how you have provoked them in the past. No, you don’t have the right to get anything off of your chest by venting back at them no matter how he treated you when you were young. This is not the time to get back at them for all the misery you have put up with all your life. He is mentally ill now and needs you to stay calm, but if you cannot, find him a place to live as soon as possible, where patience and love can be demonstrated.

Tips

• 1. Pray for the Holy Spirit to bring peace to your loved one.
• 2. Use short, simple sentences when talking to him.
• 3. Maintain eye contact with him and keep smiling sweetly.
• 4. Sing or dance!
• 5. Give him a bowl of his favorite ice cream, but put it in a paper bowl!
• 6. Don’t restrain him or it could result in injury to both of you.
• 7. If he starts throwing things at you, use anything that is handy as a shield and leave him alone a couple of minutes.
• 8. Contact the doctor

Remember, you set the pace of your home and with the Lord’s help, have the power to maintain the peace.

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. Visit The Beacon online at: The Beacon.