Marriage 101 The Beacon

Caregiving and Your Marriage

Article Date: March 2010 – The Beacon

Caregiving Tips by Starr Calo–oy

You had it all planned out. After the children had left the nest, you and your spouse would spend time traveling the world on the savings you had accumulated throughout the years. Great plan, right?

Then it happened, your parent got sick and had to move in with you permanently.

Now your days are filled with diapers, baths and constant, non–sensical arguments instead of long luxurious cruises. Your nights are spent holding your parents’ hand instead of your spouse on warm, sandy beaches. Where did the romance go?

Here are some suggestions that may give you back your dreams.

Romantic Getaways

Plan A – Call your relatives and ask if they would be willing to come and stay at your home so you can go away with your spouse for a few days. When you find a willing sitter, tell her you will teach her everything she needs to know to care for him. Tell her the date you plan to leave and if this doesn’t agree with her schedule, give her an alternate date. Ask her when she can come, then plan your get–away around her plans.

Plan B – If you can’t find a family member to help, try calling a sitters agency from the phone book or ask your LO’s doctor for a referral. Then call your family members and ask them to pitch in equally to pay for it. They need to know what it costs you to get away. They take it for granted because they can get up and go anytime they want to.

Plan C – If they aren’t willing to help you sit with their LO or pay for someone else to do it, write a check to the sitter from his account that you sign on for you and your spouse to get away. If you have financial (durable) power of attorney for him, this will not be a problem. If you are not, you should be if you are the primary caregiver.

Keep in mind that the money is in his account for his care now. He will not be going home and you aren’t taking anyone’s inheritance. Inheritance is what’s left over after a person has used their money on themselves and that includes their care. If family members aren’t willing to care for them, part of their own inheritance will do the job just fine!

Starr & Bob Calo–oy cared for the terminally ill and people with different forms of dementia in their own home for 25 years and are the authors of 4 caregiving books. Starr hosts Caregiving 101 and Marriage 101 on Great Day Sunday on KENS–TV 5 every Sunday morning and both of the Calo–oy’s host 2, one–hour radio talk shows on KKYX–680am every Saturday morning; Caregiving 101 & Marriage 101. Starr & Bob are retired preachers make numerous appearances on television all over America and are the proud parents of 10 children. They are currently working on 3 books, give free marriage classes in their home and provide free caregiving coaching and marriage counseling. You can reach them from their websites at www. caregiversadvice.net, www.marriage101.net or call 210.521.8668.

Starr writes monthly for “The Beacon” – a San Antonio Christian Newspaper. The Beacon online at: The Beacon.