This Week’s Featured Radio Podcast
Listen to Volume # 083 — “Stephanie Coontz” (Podcast)
“Marriage 101” on KKYX Radio 680am San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr & Bob Calo–oy
Guest: Stephanie Coontz
Broadcast Date: July 3, 2010
Stephanie Coontz, author of “How Love Conquered Marriage” offers advice for all couples.
In some ways love has conquered marriage as an institution. Historically it was not based on love and free choice of young people. It was about in-laws, and getting interfering ones, alliances were made, consolidation of treaties and deals, properties and business deals. Dowries were a biggest infusion of wealth and cash a man would get in their life (ending about 1840). Until the 1900’s when a woman married all of her worldly goods became her husband’s, not shared. Marriage was often an unhappy end to innocence and love.
Arranged marriages were the norm for most of the world not too long ago. As late as the sixteenth century, parents could legally dissolve a marriage that wasn’t approved, and could throw-out the offending partner. Finally, marriage became about love and happiness and free choice. Women were suddenly out of the control of men. In the 19th century, there was all of their rhetoric of love and sentimentality. Beneath most of these marriages, the people were miserable, as men had the final say in all situations even in the household. Men had the right to beat their wives until just over a hundred years ago. Infidelity was absolutely tolerated for men until about 1900. About then there was a huge outbreak in venereal disease and syphilis from prostitution and married men, this soon changed.
Love has weakened the old ideals of marriage. When a marriage works today it is more friendly and competent than ever. There were rigid rules about how marriage worked, and if you didn’t follow those rules you were out of luck and unhappy. Now there are better ways to succeed, and also more ways to fail. We need to work harder than couples of the past ever did. We have more choices and they had fewer alternatives. It is too easy to get a divorce now, and not shameful to have a baby out of wedlock. It is common to have men and women living together WITH CHILDREN out of wedlock.
Lack of commitment in marriage spawns lack of commitment in all areas of your life. We have a society with throw away containers and products, and generally we feel that way about our relationships. Don’t like it (or them), just move-on and find something or somebody that works for you.
High quality marriage?
In 1950-60 marriage was based on male domination of women. In most states wives had no legal rights of marriage properties. 1963-65 earnings in 42 states were reported separated, and police couldn’t arrest a man reported as an assaulter unless he had been witnessed by a police officer.
It used to be that a good marriage was based on stereotypes; wives stayed at home and let me work. Wives said you provide and I’ll take care of house and kids. These days respect, flexibility and understanding by communication can make all of the difference in your marriage.
There are many ways to raise healthy kids. Mostly be there for them by listening to them when they want to speak and spending time with them daily. The children will feel more important and cared-for. Men, teach your sons how to be a man, and how to treat others, especially ladies. Teach them how to use tools, yard work as a family. Quality time is important too, with interactions of quality. You will model what a good husband looks like by the way you treat the mother of your children. Teach them by showing your wife respect and how to listen to her.
With our aging population marriage has an impact with our family and society values. Values of today’s youth are more supportive of caregiving than that of the 1960’s. People are living longer and disability in the aged is going-down percentage-wise. We are seeing more families that have a more inter-generational dependence each year…more cooperation to have a functioning household.
Starr & Bob Calo-oy created Marriage101.net to offer help, encouragement and counseling to couples. Through weekly Radio Shows on KKYX 680am San Antonio, they host special guests who cover many unique topics concerning marriage. They also have weekly TV Segments on KENS TV 5 San Antonio where they share marriage tips. All of these programs are archived as Radio Podcasts and TV Podcasts for your easy listening. Visit their sister site, CaregiversAdvice.net for caregiving help for your special loved ones. Starr has written Four Books on Caregiving.