This Week’s Featured Radio Podcast
Listen to Volume # 088 — “Emma Viglucci – Affairs and Cheating” (Podcast)
“Marriage 101” on KKYX Radio 680am San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr & Bob Calo–oy
Guest: Emma Viglucci
Broadcast Date: August 7, 2010
Emma Viglucci, licensed family and marriage therapist, speaks about affairs and cheating, what inspires and/or causes them.
Advice from Starr:
Couples should be encouraged to flirt. Enjoy yourself by saying something positive to your loved one that you wouldn’t normally say. Notice one another.
Some people have ideas that cheating is concerned with husband/wife relationship, and having intercourse with another person. This is a narrow view of infidelity. With today’s technology, it’s really any energy placed outside of the marriage such as internet pornography, phone calls, and texting even. These things form an emotional relationship with someone other than their partner.
Most feel that as soon as the partner cheats “It’s the END!” This is not necessarily true. Couples can definitely survive infidelity. Through education on what a true relationship is and should be, along with counseling, they can often survive these trials together.
One of the main reasons they turn, is the search for intensity in their life. There is excitement in doing something naughty. There is attention paid toward them that they aren’t getting from their partner at home. This failure to connect emotionally is ALL. They feel negative emotions and they are looking for any positive feedback outside of the relationship.
By sharing this special private and intimate part of your marriage relationship with someone else you are saying to them they are not special at all, and “I can do this with anybody and NOT you!” “You are not special any longer to me.” What kind of a spouse are you? Do you show indifference to your spouse? Do you ignore what they say and just wait until they finish talking so you can have your say? If you want to affair proof your marriage you need to make them feel loved and appreciated. You must show them that what they feel and say are important.
Often the hurt and betrayed partner has only hurt and pain in their heart. This turns quickly to anger, as the scope of this infidelity penetrates. However, reconciliation is often possible with commitment, time and work. You will have to create good interaction dynamics. As the betrayer, you will have to get used to being “checked-up” on. You must realize that you ARE untrustworthy, and this can last months or years. Be kind and loving. Be strong, pleasant and understanding because it is worth the constant work. Trust will slowly grow, and affection will as well in time.
If you find out your loved one has had an affair, instead of pursuing them…be pleasant and go about your life. Do not play the victim role, as if you feel you are too ugly or fat. Do not put yourself down. It’s NOT your fault. You don’t need to lose weight or have plastic surgery. See why your partner might have done this from their point of view. The relationship you both have created is to blame. Often times the couples get stuck in the way they look at things. Look at your partner and what do they see in you? What do they see in the “other woman/man.” What hunger is being fed somewhere else?
Bob says: If you bake a cake using the same recipe…even in another kitchen you’ll still get that same cake! You take the problems with you to every relationship and since they originate within, you can’t leave them behind. YOU must change by acknowledging that the problem lies with your feelings and actions.
Starr & Bob Calo-oy created Marriage101.net to offer help, encouragement and counseling to couples. Through weekly Radio Shows on KKYX 680am San Antonio, they host special guests who cover many unique topics concerning marriage. They also have weekly TV Segments on KENS TV 5 San Antonio where they share marriage tips. All of these programs are archived as Radio Podcasts and TV Podcasts for your easy listening. Visit their sister site, CaregiversAdvice.net for caregiving help for your special loved ones. Starr has written Four Books on Caregiving.