This Week’s Featured Radio Podcast
Listen to Volume # 089 — “Irv Loev – “Conflict Means I Love You” ” (Podcast)
“Marriage 101” on KKYX Radio 680am San Antonio, Texas
Hosts: Starr & Bob Calo–oy
Guest: Irv Loev
Broadcast Date: August 14, 2010
Irv Loev, author of “Conflict Means I Love You” is with us this morning, sharing relationship resources and advice from his new book.
There is a test for infantile men, as well as women. Infantile because of the way they look at life. They (men) don’t mind the wife working and taking care of everything. They view life pretty much as a child and don’t mind being mothered. This is often caused by: Father is critical and rough to the boy, and mother pampers, father died early on and mother pampers him, youngest male child gets pampered because the nest is emptying.
When you look at one of these guys and ask them what they contribute to the relationship, their answer is warped and self-excused. They really don’t believe that they are doing anything wrong, and feel that at least they are contributing love. The wife going through this feels tremendous guilt, as there is nothing she can do to help him stand on his feet, and often lives in denial. She often has a false sense of importance as he needs her.
These men used to be boys. These women used to be girls. As children, there are many things you should realize to prevent such a future. Have you heard of the term “tough love”? We often become enablers when we are parents. Are you part of the problem you see? You need to raise your child by preparing them for a tough world, and not always trying to fill their every need. The more problem solving skills they can develop as a youngster, the more successful they will be later-on in life. Stop feeling sorry for them, and guilty for their shortcomings.
Maybe your daughter/son used to take care of their parent while growing up. In this need to be loved, and needed, they search for a man/woman that are infantile or immature. As they grow older they will continue in this pattern until faced with the reality of their actions.
You may have a daughter or son that always calls for help, and seems unable to stand on their own even though they should be, they want the world of work to adjust to them. They want life to be about them, and know that you as a parent will always “bail them out”.
Boundaries are All Important: The parents should sit down and agree on guidelines to follow in this or that situation. They should pray together, and forgive one another so they don’t constantly point the finger at one another. Ego defense mechanisms “kick-in” and you will realize that you want to hurt one another, criticize your kids. People need to go to parenting classes and learn about what is most important…independence – not just social skills and wants.
You will pick a partner different from you. This doesn’t have to be destructive, just accept it as fact and move on. You always pick somebody different anyway. You can go-on to build a constructive and happy relationship. You don’t have to be the same.
Starr & Bob Calo-oy created Marriage101.net to offer help, encouragement and counseling to couples. Through weekly Radio Shows on KKYX 680am San Antonio, they host special guests who cover many unique topics concerning marriage. They also have weekly TV Segments on KENS TV 5 San Antonio where they share marriage tips. All of these programs are archived as Radio Podcasts and TV Podcasts for your easy listening. Visit their sister site, CaregiversAdvice.net for caregiving help for your special loved ones. Starr has written Four Books on Caregiving.